From "Mazel Tov!" to "I'm Sorry You're Pregnant" in thirty seconds or less

30 weeks pregnant

As you may or may not recall, I LOATHED pregnancy.  I spent much of it feeling absolutely miserable, and only made it through without killing people by remembering that "temporary insanity due to pregnancy" probably wouldn't fly at a murder trial.  I hated being nauseated and puking, I hated being on bed rest after my subchorionic hemorrhage, I hated going to the chiropractor three times a week so that I could walk, and I hated not being able to walk because my hips were dislocating.

Furthermore, I hated feeling obligated to eat SO MUCH FOOD.  Honestly, the Brewer diet for twins was absurd.  Nobody can consume that much stuff.

And most of all, I got so tired of everybody smiling knowingly when I told them how miserable I was.  I felt like people treated me like a half-wit.  I was PREGNANT, not suddenly incompetent.  If you asked how my pregnancy was going and I said, "I just want it to be over GET THESE MONSTERS OUT OF ME!" I was being dead serious.

That said, I get totally gooey over my pregnant friends.

It's weird, still having the hormonal and biological drive to procreate, the idea of somebody I really like having a baby makes me really excited.  I get so happy over pregnant friends!  And then I do something terribly embarrassing, I act like pregnancy is wonderful.

"Still Pregnant"- a scary Halloween costume

Now to be fair, some women do like being pregnant.  But I only know that academically.  I have no real experience with it.

Therefore, my time hanging out with pregnant friends rapidly degenerates from me oohing and aaahing and kvelling over their baby bumps to me treating them as though they're on their death beds.  "Can I get you some water?  Would you like a straw?  I have saltines and mint tea... will that help?"

Generally these friends find it sweet and thoughtful, but inside I'm thinking over and over and over again, "I'm so sorry!  I never wished this upon ANYONE!  Please don't hate me for being un-pregnant!"

And despite all of this, yes, I am planning on being pregnant again someday.  And when that day comes, remember what you have read here.  I think "temporary insanity due to pregnancy AND twins" might actually suffice in a court of law.  So remember to back off and leave the chocolate at the door.