Things I Really Shouldn't Do

There are two thing that I cannot stop myself from looking at online.

I spend inordinate amounts of time, clicking through websites and pictures of these things, sighing and quietly lusting away.

Those two things are shoes and mastiffs.

In an ideal world, I would take long walks late at night, wearing the most FABULOUS shoes you ever saw- really, they are!  Just look at these Fluevogs:

I would walk all over in those shoes.  I'd wear them around the house.  I'd wear them to school.  I'd wear them to the post office.  And you can bet I'd wear them with an awesome homemade tweed skirt, grab the leash of my Neopolitan Mastiff, and feel completely awesome and safe as I wandered the city streets in the wee hours.

I could spend all day looking at shoes and mastiffs online.  I've bookmarked some of my favorite sites- all shelter or footware related.  Gentle Giants Rescue, The Great Lakes Mastiff Rescue, Fluevog, and Zappos are my favorites.  And as much time as I can spend drooling over shoes, I can spend exponentially more fawning over mastiffs.

They're big dogs.

That said, I absolutely cannot get a dog.  Let alone a giant dog.

I live on a third floor walk-up.  Big dogs get hip problems, sometimes very young.  It would be cruel of me to force a gigantic dog like that to walk up and down these stairs three or four times a day.  Also, I have toddlers.  They're not known for making strange new animals feel particularly welcome.  Big dogs eat tons of food, and we don't exactly have the money to spend on that right now.  Plus, where in our condo could I fit a kennel for a dog as big as a horse?

I think my intense desire for a dog comes from the same hormonal place as my desire to have more children.  I became totally fixated on getting a mastiff when I was about two months pregnant.  I actually even sent a letter of inquiry to the Great Lakes Mastiff Rescue about a dog they had- Buddy- who was in need of a home.   I cried for days about that dog- that sweet, adorable, enormous dog that I wanted SO BADLY to bring into our home.  M had to talk me down quite a bit back then.  I still get all misty eyed thinking about Buddy.  The dog that could have been mine.

I know, it's crazy.  Expecting twins, moving into a third floor walk up, and deciding that the time is right for a gigantic dog...

I've pretty much resigned myself to the idea that, as long as we're living here, we're not getting one.  But that doesn't stop me from looking.  And looking.  And looking.

And every time M gets upset because I come home with some new pair of shoes that I didn't honestly need, I have to remind him that hey, at least it wasn't a dog.

SuperMommy's kryptonite

Still, I would love to have a nice big dog around, to clean up the Cheerios the girls throw off their trays, for the girls to play with outside when they're a little older, for the constant love and affection you only get from dogs.  I would love for the girls to grow up with a family dog.  The sort of dog they would compare all other dogs to for the rest of their lives...

And mastiffs are GREAT family dogs!  And they're smart!  And LOOK AT THAT FACE!  Those wrinkles!  That giant nose!  It completely melts me.  I am powerless in the face of so much wonderful dog.

At least once a week, I have to remind myself why it's such a bad idea to go out and get a dog.  I have to keep telling myself that it would be unfair to the dog, and that I had really better wait until we (gulp) move out to the suburbs.

But so help me God, one day... one day I'll get a Neopolitan Mastiff.  And it will be one of the greatest days of my life.