Vacating

Welcome home, SuperMommy.

It's been almost a week since you heard from me.  Ages, in this fast-paced blogosphere.  I might as well have dropped off the face of the earth.  So where have I been while I've been away?

I've been on vacation.

SI chasing DD around the yard

No, let me rephrase- I've been at home, with my children and my laundry and my cat and my most excellent MIL.  I am on Spring Break from school, until Tuesday.

I had thought that I would use my break to... say... write a lot.  Or read a lot.  Or do my "spring cleaning."  Instead, I've been being SuperMommy, which is a job that does not come with vacation time.  I've wiped a lot of noses, I've wiped just as many butts, and I've folded a mountain of clean clothes.  At least twice.

I'm having a really wonderful vacation, too.  Really, I am.

M and I go to different universities.  This means that, unfortunately, our semesters don't always match up.  Last week he was on Spring Break.  This week, my turn.  Totally kills any hope of maybe GOING somewhere.  Not that we would- where would we want to take two toddlers?  That said, M has his last midterm tonight, so he's been at school every day after work.  That means he wakes up at 4am, leaves the house at 5am, goes straight from work to school, and then comes home around 9 or 10pm, completely exhausted.  He doesn't get to see his kids.

As for me, this makes me FEEL very much like I'm on vacation.  I sleep in (compared to 4am), I neglect my school reading (amazingly, none of my professors assigned homework for the break,) and I play with my children (who are finally both healthy and back to normal.)  Nobody is as hard working as M these days.  I'm planning on catching up with him for insanity of commitments this summer.

SI contemplates the universe, DD sees a bird

The thing that REALLY makes it feel like a vacation, though, is my kids.  I love being home with them.  I know I could never be a total success as a SAHM, I need to get out on my own sometimes.  I have plans to work once I've got my degree, but only part-time.  Enough to pay for the child care.

I like having conversations with other adults, I like having the freedom to stop by my favorite pastry shop, or do half a dozen errands in an hour.  Small children are the kryptonite to that sort of freedom.  And more than anything, there's the wonderful moment where you go home to your kids.  It doesn't matter what else is going on.  Sesame Street is on PBS?  Who cares!  Mommy's here!  We've got crayons and paper?  So what!  Mommy's here!  Were we eating sandwiches?  Not anymore!  Mommy's here!  Time to cover SuperMommy in hugs and kisses, scream with delight, lead her around the dining room in a welcome-home parade, play catch with her... suddenly, it's all about me.  And it's not just being a total narcissist that makes this appealing.  It's a success.

DD charging after a dog

Being a parent is hard.  Everybody tells you that when you get pregnant, but it's not something you can really understand until you're there.  If you've been a nanny, and au pair, a teacher... it's different.

Being a parent is insanely hard.  You can't stop- EVER.  You never get to turn it off.  You're a parent 24/7 for the rest of your life.  Your life revolves around people who will never EVER reciprocate the sort of investment you put into them.  Your greatest achievements and failures all stop being individual- suddenly they're all about what your kid did.  What your kid didn't do.

The other day, I was in the grocery store parking lot.  DD pointed towards the minivan and shouted, "Mama, da CAAAAAAR!"  I was so proud I had to tell everybody I talked to for about... well, I guess I'm still doing it, huh?

So for my Spring Break, I'm home with my kids.  Every day when I get them out of their cribs they're happy to see that it's me, and not Our Mary Poppins (who they adore.)  Every night when they go to bed, they're ecstatic that it's me making the silly voices for Are You My Mother?, no matter how much they love M's Nixon imitation.  For my vacation, I'm rocking motherhood.  Hard.

SI getting clean after playing in the mud

Today, we're testing more products for Kolcraft.  Then I'm making M a steak dinner to celebrate his midterm.  And then tomorrow he actually gets to come home from work, and he and my MIL and I will all go out and act like grownups together.

School is frustrating as hell.  It sucks not to see my husband on a daily basis.  It sucks that he doesn't see his wonderful little girls.  And it sucks that the weather got all miserable again.

But if every day I'm the main event in my daughters' lives, the most exciting thing to happen no matter what else is happening... this is pretty much the best vacation ever.