Warning: it does contain a fair amount of profanity.
Coming Out, so to speak (1-13-2009)
By now most of you probably know that M and I are planning on having a baby. Not in that, "Oh, someday we'll be awesome parents!" kind of way either. As in, this blog is about to be primarily a log of all the insane crap that goes along with getting intentionally and very technically knocked up.
So, if you don't want to have all kinds of icky, medical, vagina related stuff on your feed, now is the time to mention it and I'll make a filter.
Why am I making all of this public NOW? Here's why. I have lots of friends with children. I have NO friends who intentionally went through the process of MAKING one. I have friends who are married and planning on having kids... someday. I am, unless I'm very much mistaken, the first among my friends to do this procreation thing intentionally. The first person to go through the insanely irritating steps leading to the pregnancy, versus the very entertaining steps of accidentally procreating. I am not casting judgment, I am merely observing. I haven't seen anybody do this yet- this "now it's time to make miniature copies of ourselves" thing. (Note: we do not actually want to make miniature copies of ourselves.) Therefore, if you are in any way curious about what might happen to you if you should DECIDE to have a baby, feel free to keep reading.
M and I knew from the week after we got engaged that we were going to have to freeze some embryos (if you don't know why, read this.). This has resulted in a few inconveniences for me and M. For example, it is now M's job to clean that cat box, never mind that the General is MY cat. It also meant that I basically had to start acting as though I was already pregnant in some other ways. The most obnoxious of these being the new need for pre-natal vitamins.
I had a lovely prescription for creepy vitamins. The box had variously colored women with ethnic babies in their tummies. Green ladies with black babies, purple ladies with Asian babies, yellow ladies with Latino babies... terrifying. Perhaps most terrifying of all was the INTENSE intestinal distress, which naturally led to the AGONIZING endless yeast infection. Needless to say, I stopped taking pre-natal vitamins.
Well, I'm back on now. It seems you're supposed to take them for at least 30 days before you conceive. I've got a new bottle, ones that hopefully won't make me horribly ill. Unfortunately, I've been nauseated since I started taking them yesterday, but I'm kind of hoping that will go away. It's better than the endless diarrhea and yeast infections. So far.
This bottle has a wonderful little phrase on it- "Science Safe."
...I'll give you a moment to ponder that.
Tomorrow M and I get to have TONS of blood drawn so that we can find out what sort of awful genetic diseases we've got. I'm wondering what the chemo will do to his blood work. I also get to have a saline ultrasound.
This is when you get an injection of mild anesthesia in your cervix, and then have your ovaries filled with fluid. The point, I believe, is to get you prepared psychologically for when your water breaks and you go into labor. Other than that, it lets the doctors see if you have any abnormalities in your uterus.
The fun part is for the next two hours when each time you hiccup or sneeze tons of water shoots out of your cooter.
Then, onward to medication! According to the doctors, there's only one way to see if the hormones will make my heart explode.
...Science Safe!
I'll keep you all informed as events progress.
Makin' Babies (1/22/2009)
The injections have finally begun. Waiting was the worst part.
I nearly had a panic attack. I'm just grateful that M was calm and collected enough to stab me with a needle.
That said, it was not so bad. The injections (at least the first round) are administered in insulin needles, so it's really not bad at all. I still couldn't do it. I hope I get over that.
As for my physiological response to the hormones- I got lightheaded, warm, dizzy, and my heart started feeling very light- as though it was about to start skipping beats. This feeling lasted for about three minutes and then abated. That's the biggest relief. Thanks to my hormone sensitivity, we were worried that I might immediately go into cardiac arrest. I didn't, so, full speed ahead!
Pretty soon I'll get to stop shooting myself up with hormones, and then... onward to grublings!
Ala Dolores Claiborne (1/29/2009)
"Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hang on to."
I fucking hate medical "professionals."
I'm tired of being poked and prodded, being told that I have no idea what I'm doing while having information withheld and misdirected.
Grumble grumble grumble...
I sure fucking hope having a baby is worth the trouble.
Internal countdown at four hours twelve minutes and counting (1/30/2009)
I'm done with round one. Moving on to round two. The big round. The gigantic doses of drugs that might make my heart stop.
I am fucking terrified. Every hour I get a little closer to hyperventilating. I'm sure it won't be that bad. I'm sure this will be virtually identical to the initial injection fear. Only this time... well... we'll see if two shots is actually better than one.
...God I'm a wreck.
Grubling goo, round two (2/1/2009)
Two shots a night.
My stomach is covered in little bruises and scratches.
My lungs and chest hurt and I'm more bloated than I've ever been in my life.
Next assault by the fertility staff is Tuesday morning.
...I am no longer seeing much humor. Hopefully the hormones will stop deadening my sense of humor and I can go back to thinking this is a big joke.
Hopefully.
Step 2: ? (2/8/2009)
It seems I have been misled. I must offer my most sincere apologies. I have passed along incorrect information to all of you, out there in livejournal land.
It is not two weeks on injection A and four weeks on injection B.
Actually, it is two weeks on injection A, two weeks on injections A and B, and then two days on injection C. With daily blood draws and vaginal ultrasounds. Then, six days on patch D and ovule E.
...which you are NOT to put in the refrigerator with the rest of the drugs. Those last two have all gone bad now. You need to spend another $100 on replacing them. NOW. Or we start all over again.
Carry on.
Wow! I love love love this! Profanity and all. All blogs should reference "vagina" at least once just to make sure the readers are paying attention :)
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