February 15, 2012

Singles Awareness Day

Aunt Genocide is pretty awesome.
Like all of the Borenstein clan (even those who now go by Becoming SuperMommy), my younger sister can WRITE.  Yesterday, she wrote this, and gave me permission to publish it.  Is it about parenthood?  No.  But it is about feminism, about the expectations one has for their lives, and the pressures of other people to do things "the right way," regardless of the reality of their lives.  In short, it's about a lot of things I care about.  And I thought it was wonderful.  So, with Aunt Genocide's permission, I am publishing this blog.  Please, if you enjoy it as much as I did, let her know in the comments.  And maybe she'll listen to the friends who are now trying to convince her to start up her own blog.  (Of course, maybe instead we'll forgive her for not starting her own blog- considering that what she IS starting is a Ph.D. program and going to Rabbinical school!  Mazel tov Aunt Genocide!)

Singles Awareness Day

Valentine’s Day is a powerful force of mans creation. I'm not one for hallmark holidays, but this one has a special place in my, and most other Americans', life. Not because I get depressed for being alone, or because I get treated specially for being in a relationship (most recently with a man who hated the holiday as much as myself), but because it has an amazing power to put one’s life and status in unpleasant perspective. Regardless of their situation and quality of life.

Grandmommy and Aunt Genocide in Gettysburg
I live every day of my life as a single adult. A pretty happy one too. I've got a decent job, great friends, awesome family, two amazing cats, and will soon be back in school for my doctorate. I am pretty fucking happy. Not to mention the fact that I date. And I enjoy the hell out of that too. I have nice things, cook myself fabulous meals, and throw a mean dinner party. I also play with other people's kids, and they like me. I'm fun. A little crazy, but no one has to deal with that part but me.

The standard of women having to be settled down, having children and married to a good man by 30-years-old is outdated and no longer applicable. Not only are we living longer, able to bear children far later in life, and able to do it with other women and/or by ourselves, but we are also supported by a society that employs and values us. True, women still make less money than men, on the whole, but I don't care. I think we're doing pretty damn well. Well enough, in fact, that those who want to should take full advantage of the opportunity to do whatever the hell they want with their lives. Not that I am not joyful for the wonderful couples I know who have found each other and are sharing their lives. Bully for them, they make me happy.

Does this define me personally? No. I want children. I want to quit work and stay at home cooking and painting with Bob Ross, and getting fat on my husband’s heart shaped boxes of chocolate. Of course I do. But the time has passed, and I really believe this, that I should feel guilty or like a failure for taking another path in my life, at least for the present.

SI, Aunt Genocide, and DD
My concern is that there is a societal pressure to be "there." To be settled, getting married and so on. So much so that people I know (don't worry, it's probably not you) are settling. And not in the good way. Women and men of tremendous potential who want a married life are finding that "good enough" will do. And in my opinion, "good enough" is simply not good enough. In a time when untraditional couples are finally able to be with the "right" person, after long struggles of trying to settle for "societally acceptable" or "good enough," we single straight men and women in our adulthoods should just give up the ghost of success through matching as a means to success in life.

Men may have issues in a similar vein, I'm not honestly sure, as I believe the "Aging Bachelor" is far preferable and less negative a title than "solitary spinstress." I do, however, know several men whose mothers berate them for not having met a nice girl. To those men I believe this rant also applies.

Fact is, there is in no way, in no one's view but your own any problem with being single, unhindered, and free to pursue your own interests without the burden of a significant other. I am totally and completely proud of my accomplishments, and I know that those people who care about me don't consider me a failure because of my status as a single woman. I'm not a "I'm woman hear me roar" type, and I don't want to be a curt, suited professional with only a career to keep me warm at night, but I am very good at what I do and I help people in the process. Plus my mommy bought me a heated blanket.

Aunt Genocide- soon to be Dr. Rabbi Aunt Genocide
I don't think Valentine’s Day is bad, not at all. I just think we need to get to a place, as people, and as a society, in which being single in your adulthood is not a synonym for some kind of failed ability to attract a mate. When that issue is dealt with, Valentine’s Day will go back to meaning what it did when I was a kid: the day two days before I buy all the candy super cheap.


  1. That's awesome .. Wish I could write like that .. Thanks for Sharing :)

  2. This is great! I'm sharing! She should def start her won blog, I'd read it :0

    Btw, I wanted to let you know I gave you a One Lovely Blog Award, take a look: http://jessica-healthymommyhealthybaby.blogspot.com/2012/02/i-won-some-awards.html

  3. That was supposed to say "she should def start her OWN blog"....meh



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