DD's First Heartbreak

Playing with Daddy at the beach

I was standing in the nursery, changing what was, to the best of my knowledge, the grossest diaper that RH had ever presented me with. It took a lot of attention and vigilance to keep her from spreading the mess around, and so I wasn't as available to my other daughters as I might have liked.

Daddy is awesome!

DD was sitting on the rocking chair behind me, talking about the wedding picture of me and M in our hallway.

"Mommy? Is you married to Daddy?"
"Yes, honey. I AM married to Daddy."
"Because you love him?"
"That's right. And someday when you grow up, I hope you find somebody that you love just as much as I love Daddy, and then you can get married too."
"Mommy? I love Daddy SO much! He is so awesome!"
"Yeah, I think so too sweetie."
"I want to marry Daddy!"

*beat*

"Well, Daddy's already married to Mommy..."
"I want to marry Daddy."

It wasn't an exclamation, it was a fact. Simple, obvious, self-evident.  In my head, I ran through all sorts of Freudian story lines, and settled on the fact that I had probably wanted to marry MY daddy when I was a little girl, and that this was a totally normal and healthy reaction of a three year old who thinks that her daddy is awesome.

"That's very sweet honey."
"I will ask Daddy to marry me!"

And as I wrestled with RH's furiously kicking and incredibly strong seven month old legs, DD ran from the room to find Daddy.

Daddy teaches DD to bowl

Daddy was laying in bed, recovering from the events of Friday, which I will share with you later.  I couldn't hear what was happening, but I imagined a sweet scene where DD told M that she loved him SO MUCH and that she though he was awesome, and M smiled and said Of COURSE I'll marry you!

A minute or so later, DD walked slowly into the room.  Her head was held high, but her jaw was set firmly closed in an expression I've seen a hundred times in the mirror. Her eyes were glassy and green and she was not looking at me. Determinedly not looking at me. Her hands were stiff at her sides.

I cleared my throat.

"DD? Is everything okay? What did Daddy say?"

There was a forced calm on her face, and in her voice as she began to speak.

"Daddy says he does not want to marry me..." her voice cracked. "He wants to marry YOU!"

Daddy taking DD trick or treating

And with the last word, the dam broke. She wailed it, as though all the anguish in the world were flowing through the one syllable.  She fell gracefully, face first, onto the cushion of the rocker, and sobbed piteously.  She wouldn't look at me. She just lay there, her face buried in her arms, and wailed.

"Oh, honey, it's okay..."

My words only made things worse. She slid off the chair and lay face down on the carpet, crying directly into the Oriental styled pile.  I bit my lip to keep from laughing, but RH was doing it for me. She laughed and laughed and laughed at DD, seeing only her antics and hearing a foreign sound that must have sounded much like hilarity to her. She made eye contact with me and wiggled her eyebrows as if to say, see? This is pretty freakin' funny!

I cleared my throat and spoke slowly to mask my own giggles.

"Daddy loves you so much, DD. He loves you so so so so so much, and I know when you grow up you'll find somebody who loves you the way mommy loves daddy and THEN you'll get married..."
"But I want to marry Daddy!"
"I'm so sorry honey..."
"I want to marry Daddy!"

Daddy and DD, hanging out at the diner.

She cried harder. RH laughed harder. DD wailed.

Now, as you can probably imagine, by this point I knew that if I didn't get DD out of the room and over her heartbreak quickly, I would actually dissolve into laughter, and probably scar her for life. It was then that I recalled that M could actually hear me through the baby monitor.

Again, I spoke slowly. This time for M's benefit.

"DD, why don't you ask Daddy to marry you again? I'm SURE that THIS TIME, Daddy will DEFINITELY SAY YES."

She paused in her crying, and lifted her teary face to look at me.

"Daddy will marry me?"
"I KNOW that if you ask Daddy again, HE WILL SAY YES."

Daddy and DD at the museum

She got up and left the room at a run. Just in case the monitor was off, I yelled down the hall after her, at the top of my lungs so M could hear it, "DADDY WILL SAY YES THIS TIME!"

I washed the poo off the bottoms of RH's feet, and began putting her back into some clean clothes. No sooner did I get the onesie over her head than DD came running back into the room, beaming.

"Daddy said yes! Daddy WILL marry me!"
"Oh honey! That's wonderful!"
"Yeah, that is!"

And grinning at me with all the gratitude and joy her little heart could contain, she went running off to find another game to play.

As I watched her run off, I thought I saw a shadow of a great big pre-teen girl. Anguished one minute because some boy she likes likes some other girl, the next minute asking me to drive her to some friend's house for a sleepover.

I feel like I already know that girl.  I already love that girl.

And when she's all heartbroken over those stupid preteen boys, I'm sure she'll find herself running back into the arms of her first love. Even if it took a rejection before he finally agreed to marry her.

DD and Daddy forever

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