|Evenings with my ladies|
I don't have an official diagnosis. I don't need one. I've seen myself in the mirror at least dozens of times.
Sometimes, I get depressed. I feel sad for no reason, and then I make it worse. Sometimes, on purpose. I binge on junk food, become less than friendly to my loved ones, neglect showers. Then I'm sad that I feel and look like crap, and the cycle repeats.
But fortunately for me, I get both sides of that particular spectrum. Once in a while, I jump out of my downward sadness spiral, and find myself spinning through my upward success spiral.
|RH and Becoming SuperMommy|
Had a good dream? I guess I'll eat a healthy breakfast. Got a job interview? Skip the Walking Dead, I'll catch up on the office while putting away my laundry.
And so on.
Next thing you know, I've actually exercised and bathed and started dinner.
And then the next day, and so on, and so on...
Until that one day... and suddenly, I'm skipping breakfast and crawling back into bed. The downward spiral of misery begins again.
I'm happy to say that right now I'm working on the positive side of the spiral. But it can't last forever.
Sometimes I worry about how my ups and downs effect my kids. What kind of lessons I'm teaching them by giving them two different versions of myself. Happy, involved, positive mommy... and angry, sad, tired mommy. Do they gage me for which side of my spirals I'm on before coming in to give me a hug? Will they learn to wait to introduce boyfriends, to ask for favors, until they know which side of spiral is going to serve them best?
|Me and SI lighting the Channukah candles|
I want to be consistent. I want to know that my children can trust me, that they're not afraid of downward mommy when they need upwards mommy... that upwards mommy is there when they need her.
Or better yet, a mommy who isn't on her way up or down.
I want to be that mommy.