Becoming SuperMommy: Third's First

Three days shy of one year old

Today, my littlest little one is one year old.

One whole year old.

Day one, and the light of my life

And I feel sadness, along with all my pride and joy and shock.

I'm sad because I know I haven't given my little girl as much of me as I gave her big sisters.

One month old and enamored with her sisters

I worried about that during the pregnancy- I knew that she would never experience having me to herself. SI and DD never really had that either- they always had to share me.

But with RH, it's different.

During the girls' first year, I took about 8,000 pictures of them.

Two months old and already full of smiles

That is not an exaggeration.

I haven't even taken a third as many of ALL THREE of my kids in the past year. Because I don't have the luxury of snapping photos of every amazing moment, of every outfit, every smile, every new food, every first.

I haven't even blogged the majority of those things.

Three months old, fat and sleepy

RH is amazing. She might not walk, but she talks up a storm. At one day shy of her first birthday, she learned a new word. She could already say, "mama," and "dada," but she can also garble DD's name... which she uses for both sisters indiscriminately. She says "baby" to her reflection, to baby dolls, to pictures of babies on boxes of diapers. She says, "Hi," "Hello," and "Buh-bye" while waving. She says "banana." And now? "Book!"

Four months old and full of wonder

She blows kisses. She gives sweet, tender little kisses with an adorable little "mwah!" sound. Every few minutes, when she's playing, she'll see me and crawl over as fast as she can, and bury her face against my skin. Like she's checking in, making sure I'm still there. Still warm and snuggly, ready to pick her up and rock her and sing to her if she wants me to.

Five months old and sweet as anything

At the table, she's a riot. When you're feeding her, she puts her fists up and bobs around in her chair like a boxer in the ring, bob and weave, bob and weave, bob and weave... as though she's going to get the plastic spoon of squash with a mean right hook. She LOVES to dance, which she does while sitting or in anybody's arms. She's incredibly social, and friendly, and curious.

Six months old and already loves books

She studies things. She watches and mimics. She is a remarkably serious baby.

Seven month old and growing teeth

But when she's on the changing table, and I give her loud, wet kisses under her chin, she laughs with a belly laugh that you just want never to end.

Eight months old and a lover of the great outdoors

Whenever the front door opens, she makes a break for it. She loves being outside and going for walks, or playing in the grass, more than almost anything.

Just like her sisters, she is absolutely and inseparably attached to her frog lovey. She holds it so tight, tighter that I think anyone has ever held a lovey, and then faceplants into it on the floor.

Nine months old and learning to share

Sometimes, when I rock her and sing to her, and feel her small body pressed between my arms and my chest, it's all I can do not to cry. Because I can't believe that this has happened- that she has grown to this wonderful little person who looks so much like me and bizarrely so much like my father-in-law.

Ten months old with a mind of her own

And I can't believe how soon it will be that she has the strange, hard feet of a three year old, stomping through my house, and the long, curly locks of the little girl I haven't yet met. Who I long to meet, and can't bear the thought of replacing this sweet, sweet baby.

Eleven months old and on the move

One year ago, I spent the night in agony as she tried her best to rip her way out of my abdomen, alien style. After I saw the incredibly long, chubby infant with ancient eyes who stared and me as though I had somehow insulted her by forcing her into the world, I became a mother all over again. Everything changed again. Everything was amazing again.

One year old and the life of the party

Today, RH is a whole year old.

At a wedding on Saturday, she and the bride became BFFs

I still haven't taken good pictures of her nursery, all the work I put into it to show you.

I still haven't finished it.

My three favorite girls

I don't play favorites with my kids, not intentionally. I don't give RH the attention her sisters got when they were her age.

But I love her just as intensely as I have ever loved another person. I revel in her babyhood in a way that I never did with DD and SI. I long for it to somehow last long enough for me to drag out the same number of perfect moments that I had with her sisters, when they were infants. But it can't be, and it won't be, because my family is different now than it was a year ago.