September 3, 2013

Thanksgivukkuh 2013- Time to Get Excited (And a Giveaway!)

Alright people, it's time to get excited.

We are on the cusp of a once in a lifetime event. No- a once in an eon event. No- a once in the entire course of human history excuse for an epic food based party.

Do I have your attention?

You see, Jews love to eat. (That's not fair, humans love to eat, Jews just have an awful lot of holidays dedicated to it.) And Americans love to eat. (Perhaps more than any other humans on the planet.)

America has one epic holiday dedicated to eating. Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving is essentially a two day long stuff-yourself-until-you-explode cornucopia of awesomess. First, you snack as you cook while watching an epic parade. Then there's the Thanksgiving Dinner, which you eat mid-afternoon to maximize the amount you can cram in your gullet. Then you sit back on the couch and either watch football until you've digested enough to head back for more, or play board games with your family until somebody marches off in a huff to get to the rest of the stuffing and eat it all out of spite.

Then you somehow manage to stay awake, despite the food induced sweating, long enough to have a last slice of pie for your midnight snack before passing with a radio that suddenly plays Christmas Carols around the clock.

When you wake up you have leftovers for breakfast, which is amazing, and then you have leftover turkey as sandwiches for lunch (or not turkey, if you're vegetarians, but still).

Want one of these? Donate to the kickstarter!
Then you have pie for dinner, because somehow you managed to "forget" that whole emergency back-up pumpkin pie, and now that your family has headed their separate ways, you can sit in front of the television and watch Home Alone and eat the whole thing with a fork and a can of Reddi Whip that you squirt directly into your mouth.

...or maybe that last part is just me.

But this year, there is a twist.

This year, Channukah starts on the same day as Thanksgiving.

...for the non chosen-people among my lovely readers, Channukah is ALSO a foodie holiday. Of epic proportions. You see, the thing that makes a food "traditional" for Channukah is that it's cooked in oil. It's that whole miracle of the lights thing- enough oil for one day burned for eight, so we use enough oil for six months in eight days.

That's right, if you want "traditional for Channukah" food, all you have to do is deep fry it. It's the Jewish version of the Texas State Fair.

The two most common "traditional" Channukah foods are deep fried potatoes and deep fried jelly doughnuts.

And this delicious heart-attack-waiting-to-happen corresponds with Thanksgiving, for the one and only time in all of human existence.

You see, the Jewish year runs on a lunar calendar. That means that our holidays don't match up with the same days each year on the standard solar calendar. But the lunar calendar, frankly, isn't as good. Rather than have a once every four years leap day (and a very slow conglomeration of seconds that shifts our time zones over the millennia) we have a whole leap month.

Basically, the Jewish calendar repeats on a nineteen year cycle. That means that the earliest possible day that Channukah can begin is November 28th. Channukah will never, ever, start earlier than that. That's also the day it starts this year.

Now, Thanksgiving is the third Thursday of November, no matter what day that happens to be. The latest that day can possibly be is November 28th, which is what it is this year.

So, I imagine you're all getting out your calculators, trying to figure out when the next time this is going to happen would be. Put them away now, because there's one last factor you haven't considered.

Remember when I said the Jewish lunar calendar wasn't as good as the Gregorian calendar we all use? Well,
every thousand years the lunar calendar moves another four days out of sync with the solar calendar.

And what does that mean?

It means that, unless the powers of be decide that the Jewish calendar ought to be modified, the very last time that Channukah will EVER fall on the 28th of November will be in 2146... and it will be a Monday. The Monday AFTER Thanksgiving.

So why hasn't it ever happened before?
Because we've only been celebrating Thanksgiving in this country since 1863.

...the last time Channukah started on November 28th was in 1861.

So what does this mean?

It means this is the time to DEEP FRY ALL THE THINGS! For America! And for defeating the Greeks so Jews could keep being Jewish (and eventually Jesus could be born, etc. etc. etc. for all you gentiles)!

Ever wanted to deep fry a turkey? This is the year to do it.

Ever wondered what happens when you stuff cookie dough with cranberry sauce and deep fry that? Try it out!

Deep fry your corn bread! Make sweet potato latkes!

Seriously, folks, the possibilities are both endless and delicious!

So why am I writing about this?

I am DELIGHTED to be teaming up with Modern Tribe to give away an incredible Thanksgivukkah t-shirt. This design is AWESOME, and one lucky reader is going to be getting one- in the size of their choice! There's both unisex and ladies' cut, produced on American Apparel shirts.

So you know they're freakin' comfy, which matters when you stuff your gut so much your plan ahead for your best elastic banded pants.

(Or in my case, skip the pants, just own it and wear a muumuu.)

So how can you win this amazing shirt?

a Rafflecopter giveaway

A randomly chosen winner to be announced on Sunday at midnight!


  1. I want to celebrate with my chosen family (aka my friends). We will eat everything. We will all get fat and love it!

  2. I'm confused. You say this is the very last time this can happen. But if the Jewish calendar slips 4 days every 19 years, it should wrap around back to the end of November, by my calculation, roughly around the year 3746. So if you miss it this year, you can just put yourself in suspended animation for a bit under two millennia. Let's get the facts straight!

  3. I would spend this event with my dear friend Leah Greenwald.

  4. I would love to spend it with every single person I know, eating mass amounts of all kinds of food while in an old castle with me as the queen.

    Sorry, I've been watching too many episodes of Game of Thrones lol

  5. I would have liked to see Mikey twerk in public. (Kidding)

  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

  7. I wish I could be celebrating this Thanksgivukkah with my Catholic grandparents, who were always so supportive of their Jewish grandchildren. They have both passed on now, and family gatherings will never be the same. This year also would have been my Jewish grandfather's 100th birthday, and I hope he's proud of what his grandchildren have accomplished in his adopted country. It would be wonderful to see all my grandparents celebrating and eating together, the way they used to when I was a kid.

  8. Oh Good Lord! Wait I shouldn't say that... Oh Good Turkey! That's gonna require a bigger size of yoga pants! Thanks for hooking up to the Hump Day Hook Up



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