August 2, 2011

My Classy Numero Dos

This lady can do anything!
I'm happy to welcome another guest writer, Hella Mystical!  HM  is a doula, a photographer, and an all around awesome lady.  She and I share a love of food and flowers.  I had the incomparable pleasure of dropping by her house one Mother's Day not long ago... only to discover that a few hours previous her family had grown by one little man that I was THRILLED to get the chance to welcome to the world!  She took a little time out of her crazy life (see below) to write about the very exciting stuff she has going on... so here it is!

My Classy Numero Dos

On a lovely 90+ degree afternoon last week I peed into a cup.  I squeezed a small plastic dropper and sucked up some of my urine from this cup. I dripped three drops onto a small white plastic tablet that I’d just taken out of a wrapper marked For InVitro Diagnostic Use Only.  Then, I waited.

Was that a line? Hmm... I consulted, and considered that maybe it was an evaporation line, or maybe, just maybe it’s positive, but how could I scare the ever-loving goodness out of my husband without being sure?  Is this for real?!  Again?!  Seriously?

I marched my fancy-ass up to The Dollar Store.  Y’all can pay $12-$24 for what $1-$6 gets me there, that’s fine!  I asked the cashier for “one pregnancy test please,” because they keep them behind the counter like they’re cigarettes, or guns, or tiny plastic bottles of hard liquor.  I was handed an individually boxed-up test by the sassy employee wearing Dollar Store earrings and too-dark lip-liner who snapped her gum while she remarked that their store’s brand is “very efficient.”  That is just what I look for in a pregnancy test: efficiency.  Thanks!

This should not have been as surprising as it was.  When the blue (very efficient) “+” appeared I should not have felt my stomach drop or ran around the house exclaiming OMG OMG OMG!  I have followed Natural Family Planning since I was first married nearly 4 years ago and I knew exactly when I was ovulating, I knew precisely when I should have avoided those tiny cartoon sperms that had I a microscope I know I would find partying like a college frat house in my husband’s magic juices.  I know the exact time, date, position and location of this mystical bean’s conception because afterward my husband looked at me and asked tentatively... are we pregnant now?  We were being lazy.  That is the key to getting pregnant for us.

Natural Family Planning is not a pharmaceutical drug that allows you to avoid your body’s natural cycles and play around willy-nilly with your fertility.  Emphasis on the willy.  It’s the process of getting to know your cycles so well that you know exactly what’s going on in your body all the time.  There are many websites that can answer any and all questions you might have. is a good place to start.  All I can say is, just because you know how something works doesn’t mean that you’ll always pay attention.

This is the second time we have become pregnant in the exact same way:
  1. Know the facts: I knew I was ovulating both times.
  2. Avoid the facts: In the moment I/we did not care that I was ovulating.
  3. Consequences: Yes, on any given month the national average of conceivability is something like 20%, as in, every month I have a 20% chance of getting pregnant while “actively trying” during my week of ovulation.  This includes days before and after the actual egg-release.  But my own personal fertility rate is thusly: 100%.  I should feel proud!

But really, I just feel sort of overwhelmed.  I am very excited but as soon as the morning sickness-reality sunk in while I was carrying a toddler on my hip and doing a load of laundry, I started wondering-- Can I handle having two children at two very different developmental stages, both in diapers, needing so much of me, all day, every day?  I’ve asked strangers at the park and the grocery store-- How far apart are your children?  I just found out I’m expecting again, will I survive it?  Asking direct questions gets you direct answers.  Especially when it comes to strangers who are probably put off to the fact that I’m talking to them in the first place.  So far I’ve been told it’s completely wonderful by a handful of women, and others have answered me by faking throwing up and going into convulsions. Awesome.

Well, I’ve got a long time to prepare for the excitement that is certainly to ensue- wish me luck!


  1. I failed NFP 101, too. We were moving. Stuff was packed up. Last weekend in the nostalgic old house. What can I say?
    When my first babe was a bit over a year old, a co-worker approached me and said "I don't want to freak you out, but I dreamt this weekend that you're pregnant. And I've had this dream before. It's always come true." Eff. I woke up the next morning and puked. No joke. Myles was born about 38 weeks later. I panicked a lot in those 38 weeks.
    But you know? I found my groove. Sometimes I still slip out of it and I find myself locked in the bathroom, rocking back and forth and whispering "omg, wtf" over and over to myself...but mostly, this growing family thing (and growing, we are...having voluntarily done this AGAIN for a third time recently) works itself out perfectly. And yours will, too. You'll look at that second baby and shock yourself with love for him/her...but the most awesome part will be how much your little guy loves his sibling. Congrats, and good luck! :)

  2. @emilieblogs

    thank you muchly dear <3



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Vote for me!

Visit Top Mommy Blogs To Vote For Me!