In Our Cups, So To Speak

Baruch atah adonai!

As we all know, kids say the darndest things.

While this is true, there is a great deal of import when it comes to context.  Sometimes, the darndest thing is super cute and funny.  Sometimes, that same thing is... in a word... mortifying.

Oddly enough, the car is one of our favorite places.

My kids are of an age where they say something that makes me laugh every couple of hours.  Frequently, their best moments for verbal humor are in the car.  Take this little gem:

SI - "Where is we going?"
Me- "We are going to the restaurant!"
DD- "I LOVE the restaurant!  I want grilled cheese!"
Me- "Well you're in luck!  You can HAVE grilled cheese!"
DD- "I in luck!"
SI- "I want pizza!"
Me- "You are also in luck!"
SI- "I also in luck!"
DD- "I also in luck too!"

...okay, maybe that's only funny to me because of grammar issues.  But still.  Then yesterday SI had this moment of gut busting hilarity:

M and I are having a conversation about lifestyle and art and how despite our reactionary loathing for that white guy in the keffiyeh around his neck (probably without any idea about the statement they're making about Palestinian nationalism), a baseball cap with the brim pointed straight up, skinny jeans, and ironic t-shirt on the scooter who just went whizzing through the intersection, you've really got to give him some credit for actually committing so completely to the way he wants to be perceived.

Let's be realistic- they place they go to see hippies is
Grandmommy and Poppa's house.

M: "Of course, the whole Hippie movement was an exercise in lifestyle as art."
SI: "I LOVE hippies!  I saw hippies at the zoo!"

M and I laughed all the way to the playground.

But, you see, things like this are funny pretty much regardless of the context.  I could tell you that my two and half year old said that hippies live in the zoo, and it's going to be silly no matter what.

Some things, however, require the context.  You need to know that really, this kid has no idea how bad they're making their parents look.  Or at least their mother.

For Channukah, my children received a play Shabbat set.  It's awesome- there's wooden challah, wooden candlesticks, wooden candles with removable flames, and wooden goblet,.  (Actually, it was a Rosh Hashanah set, so it also came with a little shofar, a wooden jar of honey, and a wooden apple they can slice up.)  I put it away without letting them play with it.  Not because I'm a mean mommy, but because they got SO MUCH STUFF!  I figured, a few weeks or months would go by and then they could have it when they were particularly stir crazy or bored.

Hey Mommy!  Thanks for the bottle!

And that is precisely when they got it.  To complete the arrangement (and to quell any fights) I pilfered the goblet and bottle of Kosher For Pesach wine from their new toy Passover set (more on that in the coming week or two).

The thing is, this toy set has been really helpful.  SI has an aversion to singing... and most Hebrew prayers are sung.  Which meant that, until our Shabbat toys made their appearance, every Friday night included me singing the kaddish while my daughter screamed and sobbed.

By the way, for somebody who used to plan on singing opera (or at a piano lounge) for a living, having a kid who throws a fit each time you hum a tune is kind of like Hell.  But it's getting a little better.

At any rate, now Shabbat is a game.  And a super fun game, at that.  There's one song that Mommy sings when you pour your wine into your cup, there's another song that Mommy sings when you eat your yummy raisin challah, and there's another song that Mommy sings when you light the candles!  It's great!

This means, of course, that the girls want to "play Shabbat" several times a day.  And I'm happy to oblige, most of the time.

She's still not clear on the whole right-to-left thing.

But there's another side effect of this sort of game.  The discovery that there is a beverage that is inherently more fun than milk or juice or water.

I am, of course, talking about wine.

Ah, sweet nectar of the gods... wine.

The girls don't know it, but MAN O MAN does their Mommy love a good glass of wine.  Not that kosher sweet stuff, but GOOD wine.  A good Argentinian Malbec, a Califonian Pino Noir, a New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc...

Not that I'll turn up my nose at a Two Buck Chuck.

As it turns out, despite not having had a lot of wine in the past eight months, my kids have picked up on my love for wine.

Or so they would have you believe.  Because, you see, Shabbat is so much fun.

So recently, and of course in front of mixed company, I find myself asking my children, "What do you want to drink?"

Nom nom nom nom...

And they answer me, "Wine!"

...and then they proceed to mumble or sing tunelessly a series of words that make absolutely no sense, swaying sightly where they stand and giggling.

As though they've already had quite enough, thank you.

That's right.  You can say it.

My kids look like freakin' drunks.

...

People must think I am such a good mom.

As soon as this baby is out of me, I'm getting my own bottle of wine.



P.S. You can also get those awesome Jewish holiday toy sets- they're here.