February 16, 2011

Hy Husband, The Comedian

M as Thor
My husband M has an unofficial motto.  "He who gets the best laugh, wins."

On top of that, M is a bit of a nerd.  I think he likes that I refer to him as M, as he likes the Bond affiliation, but I bet he'd prefer to be called Q.  And by referring to him as "The Comedian" in this title, I'm sure he'll have images of The Watchmen running through his head.  And in any case, he would be ready with a quick quip about M, Q, and The Comedian.

At any rate, as anyone who has had a toddler already knows, they can be exhausting and frustrating.  After all, how many times can you read the same six page long picture book in a row before you just want to throw it away?  I've taken to hiding the more obnoxious ones as soon as SI (our usual culprit in "read it again" antics) looks away for a moment.  Not M.  M has his own ways of dealing with this particular variety of toddler frustration.

He re-writes the books.  With his own particular flair.  For instance, one of SI's favorites to read over ad nauseum is "On the Night You Were Born," which gets a bit old.  It's got the most LOVELY illustrations, but it is wordy.  SI gets very over excited waiting for the pages to turn, and tends to start shouting about the very beautiful illustrations.  The first time through, M reads it as it's written.  Then his enthusiasm for the literal reading ends, and he ad libs.  A few pages might progress thus...

First time: "On the night you were born, the moon smiled with such wonder that the stars peeked in to see you and the night wind whispered, 'Life will never be the same...'"

M with SI and DD at 4 mos old
Second time: "...and the geese all... yes, those are geese.  They're happy you're here.

Third time:  "...the polar bears danced...  Can you dance?  Dance!  Dance!  Yay!  Still want to read?  Okay..."

Fourth time: "Do you see the frog?  What does a frog say?  Do you see the bear?  What does a bear say?"

Fifth time:  "Yup.  That's a duck.  It loves you.  That's a frog.  It thinks you're pretty great, too.  That's a bear.  It thinks you're just okay.  That scarecrow doesn't like you much at all.  Again?  Fiiiine..."

Another book that SI wants read to her over and over and over again is Noah's Ark.

First of all, you'd be amazed how many different cloth books about Noah's Ark there are.  We have three, and I can't tell you how many more of them I've seen.  None of them are Biblically accurate, and none of them is in any way interesting enough to read ten times in a row.  Unless you're SI.  Even DD gets bored with them.

Now, one of our Noah's Ark books features Noah's wife.  I'll admit, I'm not enough up on my scripture to know her name.  I usually end up referring to her as "Mrs. Noah," or "Mommy Noah," as "mommy" is a concept that I'm pretty sure SI understands.

The other day, M was reading this Noah's Ark book to the girls, over and over again.  I was making dinner, and had thus managed to mostly tune it out.  Then I heard M identifying the different animals and whatnot, and overhead this little gem...

"That's a goat.  That's an elephant.  That's Noah.  That's She-Noah."

He's always cracked me up
She-Noah.  Like She-Hulk.  I nearly threw up I was laughing so hard.

Every time I think of it, as happens in places like, say, doctor's waiting rooms, I can't help but laugh outloud.  She-Noah.  Really, M?

His antics aren't limited to repetitive book readings, either.

About a month ago SI decided that she only ever wanted to be naked.  She spent much of the following week at least topless.  I was putting away laundry when I overheard over the monitor, "Let me tell you the story of the little girl who loved to keep her shirt on, and all the nice things men said about her."

And then there's his idea of games to play with the girls.  Me?  I play come-give-mommy-a-hug, and hats, and blocks...

Babes in boxes
M?  He plays "Put the Children in Boxes."

Fair enough- the girls love being put in boxes.  But I know the truth, this a game designed entirely for his own amusement.

When they were much smaller, he used to punish them for puking on him and themselves by putting them into the most uncoordinated, tackiest outfits he could come up with.

And whenever I laugh, he gets all smug and happy.  Because that means that he wins.

But really, with inventions like She-Noah, I think everyone wins.  Especially me.


  1. HAHA!!! Love this!!! She-Noah? Great! My husband keeps me in stitches too... he says he likes making me laugh because it gets me "in the mood." I was like, really? He said "Yep... pay attention sometime... if I make you laugh really hard, I always get some shortly afterward!" I had never realized this... now I'll have to pay attention! But I have to admit, after a long day with the kids, laughter is almost better than nookie, in my opinion! Thanks for the funny!
    Smiles, Jenn

  2. This is great! I think my husband will have a lot of the same, or similar, antics.

    A word of advice, as annoying as those books are, never ever ever EVER get "Have You Seen My Cat?" illustrated by Eric Carle. I love his books, but that has to be the most annoying book ever. Basically every page is, "Have you seen my cat? That's not my cat." Over and over and over again until he finds his cat.



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