June 13, 2012

I Could Have Had A Baby Today

This post is illustrated with pictures from yesterday's trip to the 63rd St. Beach.
Which was amazingly COMPLETELY DESERTED on a Tuesday morning.
I could have had a baby today.

I mean, there's still time and all.  I still might.  But I could have.

SI playing in the surf
Last week, Baby X was breech and partially engaged.  My OB, without telling me, went ahead and scheduled me a c-section for today.  Because if she was still breech, we'd be doing that.

But miracle of miracles, the baby flipped.  At 40 weeks.  Again.

And now we're back to the waiting game.

...but I could have had the c-section.  And he thinks I should have.  Not because she's unhappy or unhealthy in there, but because he says he's "getting a bad feeling" about this delivery.

Because there is something very unusual about a baby flipping at 40 weeks.

Because there is something very unusual about having a cervix like a rock when it appears that you're carrying a nine or ten pound baby.

DD contemplating the waves
Because there is something very unusual about having such poor uterine muscle tone that you are able to accomodate a rotating baby and plenty of fluids after 40 weeks.

...and so, he says I really should think about a c-section.  Not because of the previous cesarian, but because he's beginning to wonder if I am going to be able to labor this baby out.  Because things seem weird.  (His word choice, not mine.)

I talked to my doctor.  I talked to my doula.  They both asked me the same question when I asked their opinion.

"Do you want to have any more kids?"

And of course, if I do, I should try for the VBAC.  And of course, if I don't, it really doesn't matter.  The problem is that I just don't know.

And so I could have had a baby today.  But I decided to give it another week.  See if things get going.

I don't know why I love this picture so much
Keep eating allegedly labor-inducing foods.

Keep having fun and active outings with the girls.

But now I am beginning to really worry.  To doubt.

And it all seems so important.

I don't know why it seems to matter so much.  Why should it matter at all whether I labor this baby out?  Why should anything matter other than that we both come through it, healthy and relatively unscarred?

It matters because everything seems to matter in parenting.  Everything seems so consequential.

Everything is a choice that you have to make.  Every choice has fallout.  Every fallout brings the need to make more decisions.  And so on.  From the moment you start thinking about how you're going to behave during your pregnancy until, presumably, you die.

DD's grin slays me every time
Until you're wondering if maybe your kid wouldn't get ear infections if they had been born vaginally.  Or if your kid wouldn't have ADD if you'd opted for a c-section and an earlier delivery.

Or if your kid would have gotten into a better college if you'd breastfed for longer.

And it's ridiculous.  But it's there.

I could have been having the baby today.  In one hour.

Instead?  I'm taking the girls to the playground.  Or the zoo.  Or something.

...and I'm waiting.



  1. That is a tough question. It does seem like every decision you make during pregnancy and the first couple years makes a huge impact on your kids. I'll be thinking of you and sending positive energy your way!

  2. Tough being a mom! Every baby's arrival has a story. And we can only mother that baby the best we can....and pray that God makes up for the difference!:)
    Prayers for a safe delivery however(and whenever) your little one arrives!

  3. i think i'd wait it out, too (can't believe she flipped!!). but man, i cannot believe you're out there doing all that with the girls in the meantime! love the photos. :)
    i hope things go very smoothly when the new one does decide to make her appearance...

    1. Thanks, Christina!
      Maybe once she's out, we could arrange a playdate for Lovie and the girls?

  4. Tough decision, but you should always go with what feels best for you. There's no predicting the outcome anyway. I'm sure everything will be fine, we'll all be sending luck your way for a safe delivery in hopefully the next few days!

  5. This is a hard decision, but I say just go with what feels best for you. And I pray that god is with you all the way. New follower!

  6. All you can do is your best. And trust that everything will work out the way it's supposed to. I hope that baby comes soon!

  7. Of course babies can flip at 40 weeks! My daughter was going to be induced at 41.5 weeks. They were monitoring her heart and I believe she was head-down. We didn't respond to the drugs, so they finally just broke the "bag". I think she didn't like it because I felt her moving around. When they checked on me a few hours later, she had flipped breech and I ended up having a C-section within 20 minutes. As everyone else has said, all you can do is your best. Crossing my fingers that baby decides to show up soon, healthy and wonderful.

  8. God has a plan for everything. Stay strong! Hope the baby comes soon. New follower from wednesday hop. Love for you to follow back when you get a chance.


  9. I was at a meeting the night before I had my first daughter and one of the women told me she had eaten the Teryaki Burger from Red Robin the day before all three of her kidd, out of despiration I tried it. Don't know if it was that or the fact that she was only 3 days from her due date but I had her the next day, either way lol... Good luck! Stopping in from the blog hop www.thebeverlyhillbabies.com

    1. If I wasn't a vegetarian, I'd be heading to a Red Robin for that burger. :)

  10. It is completely normal for babies to flip, for your cervix to still be closed and for you to have adequate waters. As far as muscle tone, you had twins before, what can you expect? Glad you are waiting! RS

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  12. Wow, such a hard decision! I hope everything works out the way you plan. Good luck on your upcoming delivery!!


  13. I hope everything works out great, good luck on your upcoming labour and delivery!

    Forgetful Momma

  14. Best of luck! Your baby will arrive when she is good and ready. Follow your mama gut-instincts. :)

  15. That would be such a hard decision to have to make! Hoping that by now(since I'm late reading due to being out of town) you've had your little one!

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  17. Hi, I came across your blog through mombloggers "blog hop" and became a new follower. This story really touched me. I had a similar situation that caused me to have to make numerous important decisions regarding my daughters birth. It's such a scary feeling not knowing whether or not your decisions will somehow harm your child. Trust your instincts, trust in what's meant to be. We never know the full picture, we can only follow our hearts and have faith! Good luck!




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